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52 Week Club Songs

by Ryan Lawson

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1.
You were first, or so you said, when you snuck out of my bed and put on your clothes. To see me at the barroom in the back near the exit drowning in my woes. You were first, or so you say, you say it all the time, telling me you love me. You were first to hang my moon, and, baby, I'll gladly be the first to drown in your seas. You were first to break my heart you know you were doing it all the time saying that you can't stand me. Now you're gone out my door, and I'm desperate down in hell where you got me on my knees.
2.
Lost Claim 01:54
Daddy read the flyer over breakfast I remember the story Plots of land, cheaper than fleas out in the Indian territory And, he was gone sale out to find a new home He disappeared one morning told Sissy take care of me Ma had died right before my eyes last February, and still he left Cheap land out west, the kids alone Daddy lost his claim to a Sooner somewhere way out west I could tell when I looked into his eyes that he'd been best and left to hang with nothing for to show I was too little to remember exactly where he'd went A couple days, a few more nights coming home looking spent And, still, I was happy to have him back either way I was happy that daddy lost his claim
3.
Little Man 04:00
When the dog falls asleep the cat begins to prowl. All the mice start to creep in the little man's house. It was a cold night in mid September. All the cars passing by on the street sounding like a ghost whispering, "Remember." Still the dark presses on. And, the little man shuts his eyes unaware of what might be going on throughout the night. With the owls and the musk rats the opossums and the skunks the graveyards that aren't haunted the police and the drunks the mothers with their babies the spiders and the flies all happening beyond the little man's eyes. When the sun wakes up dragging the dawn melting bits of ice that have formed on the pond warming the fields and making them bright all for when the little man opens his eyes.
4.
I was the first of all the northerners to get going past the gravel roads To befriend the Blackfeet and live in the wilderness trading my furs with the Crows And, I came upon an expedition making a map of the Ohio They did extend to me their great permission to go past the Rockies and live by the skin of my nose I've walked for miles many of them circles I've slept amongst the coyotes and the deer Many long winters even hot summers those were some of my most trying years To walk through the Rockies blisters and no goals but to conquer all of my fears Spent some time in Yellowstone that was so long ago before the Pacific went and filled my ears When a northerner gets to going on past the gravel roads There's no telling if he will be back again ask everybody, nobody knows
5.
Remember the man who they called Saint Paul reluctant and quiet cowboy skinny and tall. He never hung around the funerals of all the people dying. He couldn't stand the sound of all the mothers with their babies crying. Don't you know? Saint Paul let it go... Saint Paul went to prison back in 1984 for being a stranger bursting through another stranger's door. His cell became his quiet tomb warm and cozy much like his mother's womb. Don't you know? Saint Paul let it go... Saint Paul was released in 1995. Saint Paul had finally seen the golden light. He found a house way deep in the hills with overgrown rose bushes and wild daffodils. Don't you know? Saint Paul let it go... Saint Paul was only 55 when a noose came and found a way around his neck and it tied. So, he swung like a lonely metronome. Saint Paul was happy that he had found a home.
6.
You can't say I never tried living through our every moment. Or, I was not satisfied with your feelings of atonement. Friendsville cannot be my home nowhere else in Tennessee. Because, Oklahoma is where I've grown. It's some place that I ought to be. Even with your Smokey Mountains and the mist of Abrams Falls. Oliver's cabin in the Cade's Cove valley floating down the little river all the way to the Chimney Tops. Your home ain't like mine. They can never be the same. But, I'm thankful for the night that we laid down on the rug and you tried to take my name.
7.
"Love is a war of lightning, and two bodies ruined by a single sweetness."* I don't see the use in all of your worrying. I know you by now and where you are going. I will forget to patch all the leaks while you clean the cobwebs and flush them down the sink. I got that red mud crushed into my boots from working since moonlight pulling this tree up by the roots. You'll watch the dust collect on my vacant shelves. And, I'll watch you pace the floor in anger as I give myself hell. For the broken mower that might cut the grass if only I could get the spark plug to ignite all the gas. You will hang around and witness from the window as we both ask ourselves just where did the time go?
8.
*Audio from the film production of Catch-22
9.
Perfect Game 06:11
Will our memories chase each other in a perfect game of cat and mouse? I will follow you up that ladder to look at the stars above on the roof of the house. Something went wrong. All the pictures are gone. And, the grandfather clock don't chime not once not twice. Some broken crackers spread out on the lawn brings the robins by dozens flying around singing their pretty songs. And, this home broken trailer that I call my house filled beer-can-ashtrays and my dead lover's one only blouse. Oh, but something went wrong. All the pictures are gone. And, the grandfather clock won't chime not once not twice. Under my front porch I found two snakes, those venomous lovers wrapped around each other in a figure eight. It happened at sunset. They were both gone by dawn, making a trail in the sand that took me way far beyond. Still, something went wrong. All the pictures are gone. And, the grandfather clock can't chime not once not twice.
10.
Make me know silence like the sound of snow falling dizzy through the air. Make me know beauty as the flakes catch and melt in the locks of your long hair. I caught you looking through my bookshelves filled with copies of old magazines and hardback editions of Catch-22, Typee, and Men Without Women How I know not to read between the lines. As if the words on the pages weren't enough to lose my mind. Let this house be haunted to the brim with all of your worrisome ghosts. Let me recognize the power of love, so I can be their heavenly host. Still, the scariest sound that I know is your footsteps as they walk through the hallway in the dark. And, I watch your black silhouette lay next to me in the bed whispering, "Love is an art..." How I know not to read between the lines. As if the words on the pages weren't enough to read my mind.

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Songs for the 52 Week Club. One song a week. 52 songs.

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released January 6, 2012

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Ryan Lawson Edmond, Oklahoma

Oklahoma born.

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